Saya Unique

Change Of Heart

Change Of Heart

 

**Disclaimer*

This story is a work of fan fiction, written expressively for The Zetsuai & Bronze -Zetsuai since 1989- & Minami Ozaki facebook page. It is a work of my own creation, based on existing characters, and because it is my original work some of the actions/expressions made by the characters may upset some people, but please keep in mind that this is a work of fiction, and not meant to fit into the Zetsuai world time line at all. It is written for pure pleasure and enjoyment of all fans. Please do not flame me for something that you may read which offends you.No part of this fan fiction may be reproduced or copied without my express permission. I hereby give permission to the owners of the above mentioned facebook page to post this for the purpose of a contest, with the deadline ending July 4th, 2015.. I apologize for the length of this 'letter' I had meant it to be a rather brief story but I do so enjoy writing about Zetsuai. I have loved this manga/anime for a long time and I feel right at home getting into their heads, Minami Ozaki created some really great characters and I can safely say that I will forever be indebted to her for allowing us into their wonderful story of true, hopeless love. Also, I have tried to keep this to a “R” rating. Originally there was a lot more explicit content here but due to the fact that this is a public group I have self-edited it out to appeal to a more general audience. Perhaps at a later date if I get a positive reaction to this, I may upload the uncensored version.Lastly, and I really shouldn't have to give warning here, but I thought I'd do it just in case. This narrative contains yaoi situations. If you are offended by reading such things, it is highly recommended that you stop now, and walk away with a clean conscience. However, if you are curious... by all means, read on.

Enjoy! (Bonnie Brock) a.k.a. SilvyrShadow*****    Izumi awoke drenched in sweat, breathing deeply. Sitting upright, his lungs heaving and begging for oxygen, he threw the thin sheet off of him and swung his long legs over the side of the bed, holding his head in his hands. Trying to gather his thoughts for a moment, he forced himself to calm down and think rational thoughts. Was all that happened just a dream? A very lucid, intense, passionate dream? Reaching up to run his hand through his sweat soaked hair, the gleam of something shiny in the dull early morning light caught his attention. Looking at his left hand, he stared at the pure gold band which adorned his ring finger, and realized where he was.

  The sheets and pillows still smelled like him. The scent of his hundred dollar cologne hung in the air and invaded his senses. So often Izumi would scold Koji for wearing so much of that scent, almost completely bathing in the expensive fragrance, but he would never listen, however, it was also a comforting aroma, as soon as he picked up a trace of it, he knew Koji was in the room, probably sneaking up behind him, hoping for the chance to deliver a tight, almost rib crushing embrace from behind, hanging onto Izumi for dear life. As much as he hated it, in a way, he loved it as well, which was pretty much the way that he had come to accept the way that their relationship was.

  Dragging himself out of bed, Izumi quickly stripped off the Egyptian cotton boxer shorts that he was wearing, which he had tried his best to persuade Koji not to spend money on. He was never one for brand names and designer labels, but Koji would never take no for an answer. Stepping into the scalding hot shower, Izumi let the water wash over his form, stretching his arms out to the fine Italian tile on the wall in front of him and lowering his neck down so the warmth would spread out over his body. The sticky, humid sweat that had covered his skin was washing away, giving a sudden chill. For a moment, he let his mind wander to think about how nice it would be for a certain someone to be here with him, bodies pushed against one another, lathered up with the most pretentious oils and soaps that money could buy, the steam of the hot water filling the bathroom up with a thick fog, and making it almost impossible to see. How much would he give to feel those soft hands sliding down the sides of his body, tracing invisible, intricate, ornate designs as they danced their way down over his hips. He could almost feel Koji’s lips gliding over the back of his neck, feather like kisses, each one more tempting and luring than the last, as they found their way to the shell of his ear, where he could whisper such passionate words of love and lust, that it would cause Izumi to become weak in the knees, and tremble with anticipation.

  Lost for the moment in his fantasy, Izumi failed to notice that the seemingly endless supply of hot water was almost all gone now, replaced with a barely room tempature tepid stream. Frowning, he unwillingly stepped out of his delightful, yet somewhat guilty reverie and grabbed a thick robe to throw over his frame, stopping for a quick glance in the brightly lit vanity mirror before heading out of the bathroom. The apartment was still pitch dark, Izumi noticed that the time was barely 4 a.m., still far too early for most humans to be awake. Still, a passing thought crossed his mind, that he could get dressed and go out for a jog before Koji returned home from whatever adventure kept him out this late. He wasn’t concerned about what his lover was doing out at all odd hours of the night, after all, he was a rock star, and had a certain reputation to maintain, unlike Izumi, who preferred to not cause a stir or draw attention himself. A slight chuckle escaped his lips, being in a relationship with Koji was a huge attention getter. No matter how hard he tried to avoid drama and strife, it always seem to find them.

  The room had a damp, chill to it, perhaps to signal an early winter this year, so Izumi pushed the button to light the fireplace before sliding onto a stool at the kitchen bar. The dull fireplace light was enough to illuminate the room in a soft glow, but not enough to be offensive at this hour of the morning. He spotted a pen and paper, which he slid over to him, preparing to scrawl a quick note to Koji in case he would return while he was out for a morning jog. Dear Koji,    I’ll be back later, heading out for a run. Izumi.

  Staring at the spare words on the nearly blank sheet, Izumi scratched out a few lines and then picked up the pen to write again.Koji,    Hey, I wanted to let you know that I am heading out for a jog, I will be back later, do not wait up for me. See you when you get home. Izumi.

  Frowning, Izumi ripped off the paper and tossed it aside. He couldn’t seem to just leave a simple note like he had wanted to, he felt as though it needed something… more. Gripping the pen once again, he brought it down to the paper and started to write, his thoughts suddenly moving faster than his hand, wanting to get everything down as quickly as he could.

 

Dearest Love,

    I miss you. Every part of my body is aching for you at this moment, although I do not understand why. It has only been a few hours since you left the bed, but I can still feel your presence here in this room, lingering about, making me want to be close to you so badly that it physically hurts. Is this what it means to be truly in love with someone? To feel as though your heart is made of a fragile glass and is so delicate that at any moment it may shatter is truly a frightening one. The events of today, or rather yesterday now since it's an ungodly hour of the morning led me to sit here and write this to you. There are things that I feel are very important for you to know, so please sit down and read this, knowing that it is one of the most hardest things that I have ever done, but I feel the need to do it for you.

    Our day was unbelievable, and one of the most memorable. At your insistence, we started the day off walking down the boardwalk, a leisurely stroll early in the morning. The sun was just beginning to climb into the sky, and there was this warm breeze which blew away the morning haze that hung in the air, making it perfect for wandering along and browsing through all the shops. Occasionally, I could feel the back of your hand brush against mine, and your slender fingers reach out, but never did they touch. You never got annoyed or upset, but simply smiled at me and walked a little closer. I admire that divine patience you have, and even though I’ve seen it break and falter at times, I always know that I belong to you and you are mine, and there is no reason for such a public show of affection such as holding hands. It's a trivial thing anyway. Your presence near me is more than enough for the constant reassurance that I need. Our journey brought us to the marina, where we rented the most expensive boat and indulged in some sailing and alcoholic beverages. I remember the feeling of the hot ocean breeze on my skin and how wonderful the sunlight felt. You had no idea how closely I was watching you as you stood near the front of the boat, glass of red wine in your hand, your hair flowing in the breeze, the front of your shirt open, revealing such a perfectly chiseled flat chest. The dark sunglasses hid your eyes, but I knew that there were looking at me. Embarrassed, I turned away but heard you chuckle. Eventually though, I found my way over to you and stood next to you, looking out to the vast ocean beyond. It seemed almost as limitless as the love you have for me and it made me wonder what my life would be like without you. The cool mist from the ocean which splashed up felt good on the sun warmed skin, and I began to feel a little light headed from the alcohol and heat. My knees shook a bit, and instinctively I felt you put your arm around me, guiding my warm body over to yours and I leaned into you, feeling your cool skin reassured me. The touch of your strong arm resting on my hip was almost unbearable, for the simple fact is that, at that very moment, all I could think about was touching you, and it every bit of strength for me to resist. I knew that you were feeling the same way too, but out of respect, at least for the moment, you were doing your very best to hide it behind those tinted lenses. I saw your free hand grip the bar on the front of the boat, and clutch it very tightly, to the point where your knuckles were turning white. It was not out of safety, or stability, but the feelings of desire were the same as mine. I knew that something was about to give, one way or the other.

  It was still early when we finally made it in from our from sailing trip and grumbled with each other for a few minutes about dinner, before coming to a amicable decision to grab some quick take out and return to the apartment which had a lovely balcony overlook to the ocean. You opted for a quick shower while I set up the food and a decent bottle of wine for us. It smelled delicious, everything looked great, perfect in fact. A beautiful early evening, the wind slightly blowing the long white gossamer curtains, the table set up with the finest china plates and silverware, right down to the expensive linen napkins. This was not the life that I was accustom to, but was learning to adapt. As much as I hated to admit it, I wanted to be part of your life, your existence, and I would try to fit in. No matter what the cost. Leaning out against the edge of the balcony, I observed the world below, everything looked so small from up here, and whispered a almost inaudible word of thanks, that I had been given Koji. Almost as if in response, I felt you behind me, that wonderful silk shirt draped over your broad shoulders, no doubt left open, brushing against my back. A few droplets of water from your hair dripped down my neck, making me shiver as you bend down to kiss the nape of my neck. Those lips have kissed me hundreds of times, and still now, after all this time, each one is like the first… so sweet and intoxicating, I would love to drown in a sea of them. I heard you whispering things to me, delightful things that made my head spin, as your arms came from behind me and wrapped around my body. I did not turn away, but closed my eyes and relaxed into you. The familiar scent of that overpowering cologne hung in the air, thick. I could feel the tips of your fingers moving to the hem of my shirt, pushing the fabric up and your nails begin to slightly trail along my torso. I let out a slight sigh and then drew in a long breath, holding it deep within my lungs as those fingers made their way up my chest, dancing and snaking along the lines of my body, and stop just below my nipple. You whispered something to me and I nodded. What were those words? I cannot recall because at that very moment all I could think of was your kisses, your whispers, your touches, and I wanted them all. I would of freely given you my soul at that moment, all you had to do is request it, thus is the seductive power that you have over me when we’re alone together. A sudden shock ran down my spine as those manicured nails lightly ran over the sensitive flesh of my nipple, tracing indistinct concentric circles around it, before giving it a teasing pinch. I moaned out loud, surely loud enough for the floor below to hear, but my cry was suddenly silenced as I felt my head being turned to the side and your lips met mine, taking my breath away in a deep kiss. All the sounds of the world outside stopped, and all I could hear was the beating of my heart, pumping so fast that I thought for sure it would shatter the bones of my ribs and jump right out in a bloody mess. Bringing one of your hands to the side of my face, you so lovingly cradled my cheek as your tongue parted my lips and collided with my own. I knew that I was visibly trembling but you held me so tightly that it was of little consequence. The hand that you had slipped under my shirt now worked its way back down my chest with a agonizing slowness. Deep in my own thoughts, I begged you for more touching, to touch and taste every part of my body, but my lips stayed silent, fully locked on yours, I was not willing to break such a deep kiss to speak my own wants and desires. Almost as if you read my mind, those slender fingertips found their way to the button of my trousers and with a quick, deft movement popped them open. With a firm hand, and a fluid motion, the zipper was undone with such a delicate touch, I had not even felt it at first, but the layers of fabric were peeled away and I felt a chill from the ocean breeze on my flesh. Breaking off the kiss for a moment, I heard your low voice whisper to me. “Izumi, I want you.” Before I could react, you kissed the corner of my mouth, as your hand slid down into my pants and took hold. My body instantly reacted to the cool touch of those fingers wrapping around me, and you responded with a sly grin and a bite to my lower lip. It was almost more than I could bear. My lips were stinging with the sharp pain of your teeth penetrating them, and my mouth began to fill up with the rich, coppery taste of my own blood. My heartbeat kept the same rhythm as your hand as it moved along my flesh, held captive by the confining fabric of my pants. I swallowed hard and began to beg for breath. With a voice barely above a whisper, I managed to say, “Stop.” 

I slowly opened my eyes which instantly met with yours. Deep within the swirls of intense colour, all I could see was a devoted passion and love, but tinged with a bit of regret which made my heart ache even more. There was so much drama and sadness that surrounded us, could a relationship like this work? The world was against us , and odds were that such an passionate love between two such intense individuals such as ourselves would if fact, burn out in time. I lowered my head for a moment, lost in thought. I didn’t know what to do, my body was screaming for release but my mind refused to let go of my demons.

Letting go of me, you stepped casually over to the dinner table, now displaying a feast of cold food and room temperature wine. I feared the worst. I started to mumble something but stopped myself at the last moment and stood in silence, still trapped within my thoughts. Picking up a glass of wine, I watched as you slowly sipped at it, those beautiful, soft lips stained slightly a bright shade of red, either from the wine, or from the still bleeding wound on my lips, I could not tell which. There was also a light, flush of colour on your cheeks, I could tell that it was not from the sun which was beginning to set. I knew that you would have to leave soon, your music would call you away from me. I immediately felt bad, like I had scolded you for no reason. But I had to stop you, because if I had just let you....

After you finished off the glass of wine, you turned your back to me and threw the glass onto the concrete floor. The crashing noise shattered the once calming silence in the room, and I stared at the massive amount of glass shards with a dull interest not quite knowing what to say. You walked past me and back into the apartment. I stood there on the balcony, alone. My chest felt instantly heavy and it hurt to breathe, like some great weight was crushing me. How was it possible for him to keep loving me like this when I did nothing in return but show him coldness? We both had terrible childhoods, but somehow, he managed to learn how to live and love throughout it all, why was I not capable of the same? I had the most amazing man here, willing to devote his entire life to me, and what could I give in return? Nothing but heartache and sorrow, grief and despair. But still… there was something there between us.

Turning on my heel, I walked back into the apartment, and found you standing near the edge of the bed, getting dressed for the show. It was still several hours away but I knew why you were leaving now, the reason was written all over your face, words were not necessary. As I entered the room and you looked up at me with those loving eyes, my decision was already made. A small smile crossed your face and, not willing to engage in a difficult conversation, you started to pull on your boot. Walking across the room, I came to stand right in front of you, no words were spoken, and there wasn’t a need for them. I placed my hand on the center of your chest and gave you a slight push, guiding your body into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. Moving myself so that I could easily slip between your legs, I took handfuls of that wonderful silk shirt and tugged it up and over your head. The boot in your hand dropped to the floor, and you hooked your thumbs into the belt loops of my pants, giving me a questioning look. I nodded, and pulled my shirt off tossing it carelessly onto the floor, leaning in against you, whispering, “I want you too, Koji…to make love to me”. Hours passed. I didn’t even hear you get up and leave, I was curled up in the tousled sheets and blankets, safe and sound deep within a cocoon of euphoria. The world moved on outside the apartment walls, nameless faces on the street below, cars rushing by, people anxious to get home to their loved ones, and here I was, laying in the bed where I committed myself to you, body and soul, totally enshrouded in a haze of satisfied bliss. I never wanted this feeling to end. I should have been upset that you had to leave, but I was complete at ease with it. I knew that I what I wanted now, and that there was going to be a lot more to come before us, but I was confident that the love that we shared wasn't a passing thing like everyone said, but instead something brilliant, and wonderful. I had been a fool not to totally embrace it before.

As the minutes ticked by, I did find the inspiration enough to grab a shower, but I must confess, here in this letter to you that every thought while I was in there was of you. Do you see what you have done to me? I thought I was so independent before but I was wrong, I do need love, to be loved. A life without having you in it is not worth living. I felt the need to get these feelings and emotions down on paper so that you can fully understand how I feel. It may be impossible for me to give a voice to these thoughts, but they are there, strong and true, never faltering. If you ever have any doubt all you have to do is find this piece of paper and read it. Whispers may not be heard, touches may never be felt but this is real, something you can hold onto and rest assured that my heart is with you, even when you think darkness is overtaking you, look at these words and let them pull you into the light.  Now, after all that has been said, I am heading out for a run. I want to feel my heart pumping the blood through my veins as you have made me feel. I look forward to making love to you again.

Izumi.

The pen lingered in Izumi's hand, resting on the last letter for a very long time before he sat it down. There were thoughts written down in that narrative that he never thought he would admit to anyone, especially himself. Koji was always a bit of a self centered person, and a thought of concern suddenly popped into Izumi's mind. What if admitting all these things made Koji become more obsessed with Izumi? They hadn't been together very long, and Koji might take it the wrong way. Sighing out, Izumi ran his fingers through his hair, nothing was ever easy.

The sun was now rising over the horizon, and he hurriedly folded up the paper into neat little squares and walked back into the living room, opening up the curtains and staring into the snapping flames of the fireplace with a wistful look. He loved the soft glow that it had given the room, and it was a sad thing to see the bright sunlight take that away, but the day was now officially starting and it was time to put the night behind him.   Suddenly the door to the apartment crept open and Koji appeared, still dressed in his stage outfit, but looking a bit more disheveled. His shirt was wrinkled and left partially open, with one button holding it closed crooked. His hair was in tangles at the base of his neck, framing a face with hollow, sunken bloodshot eyes and a pale complexion. Izumi watched him stumble across the room, tossing his keys at the table and clearly missing before almost running into the back of the couch before he caught sight of him.

“Hey Izumi! You're up early! What a night that was, wish you could have been there, it was a sold out show and there was this party after.” He walked over to Izumi and threw his arms around him, squeezing him into a clumsy embrace. Izumi turned his head as Koji tried to give him a kiss, the stench of liquor was almost overwhelming. He tried his best to keep him upright, but Koji was too tall for Izumi to hold onto for very long.

“Let's get you into bed, OK Koji?” Sliding his arms underneath the drunken man, Izumi began to lead him towards the bed room, half dragging, half walking. Suddenly, Koji lost his balance and nearly toppled over, Izumi quickly caught him.

“Thanks Takuto!” Koji blurted out, rather loudly. Izumi merely nodded and gave him a forced smile. “I had a great night There was this party...”“Yes, Koji, you mentioned that already... I am glad that you enjoyed yourself” Izumi replied in a flat tone.

“Oh I did? Eh... so what did you do all night here?' They stopped in front of the fireplace and Izumi realized that he was still holding the folded up piece of paper. Looking down at it, he let out a soft sigh and crumbled it up into a ball, tossing it into the fireplace. It immediately burst into flames.

“Oh nothing.”

Comments

January 18, 2017 @01:36 pm
by — Silvia Repaci

I absolutely love your hobby! It is indeed Amazing!

Leave a comment:

  •